I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
BILLY CONNOLLYI set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
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Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLY