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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.

Billy Connolly

There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anything Comment Figure Matrimony
I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Angel Atheist Believe God People
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Blow Make Think Thinking Useless
Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Jobs Jon Tell Workplace
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Days Reinvents Two
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Love Marriage Wedding
There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Encouragement Fighting Safe Watching
I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Circuit Different Hecklers Syllable Tickets
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Channel People Rooms Search
When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Accident Alright Funny Humor Thanks
As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Reserves Successful
I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Laughing Pose Say Years
Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Baby Delivery Funny Humor Paddy Probably
I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Childlike Growing Mean Thinking
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balanced Drink Hands Wells
I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Found People Scared

I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.

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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.

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