For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
BO BURNHAMIs there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Do you guys like impressions? “Why?” That was Socrates.
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I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
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Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
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Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.
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What’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
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I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
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I think it’s using people, I think it’s like encouraging something that’s unhealthy, telling people you love them. “I love you.” Oh really, you love your fans?
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Love is all about… whistles.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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When things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
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How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
BO BURNHAM