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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.

Billy Connolly

When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Accident Alright Funny Humor Thanks
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Lone Music Witty
Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fraudulence People Pomposity Sometimes Thinking Water
I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Documentaries Glasses Hate People
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Cowardice Language Politically Correct
I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
BILLY CONNOLLY

Consciously Home Intention Numbers People
I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Found People Scared
Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Election Political Vote
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Buckets Lose Utensils Weight
When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Look People Place
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Apparently Men Race Sex Women
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arms Loathed People Singing Single
I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Laughing Pose Say Years
I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Morning Snowplough
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Football Someone Team
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Kilts Looks Mcdonalds Quater

If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.

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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.

Related Topics

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