Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEYCome to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
BILL BAILEY