Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
BILL HICKSEngland, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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What’s gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we’re all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It’s gonna fuck up the economy!
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!
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I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that’s interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy.
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Let’s do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who’ve seen me before might know that.
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To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you’ve got the money!
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The world’s like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it’s real, that’s how powerful our minds are
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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I had a great time doing drugs. Sorry. Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife or kids, laughed my ass off, and went about my day.
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[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
BILL HICKS