I’m a baby. I sleep like a baby – I’m up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.
BILLY CRYSTALI’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.
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[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course my uncle was a giant [music producer], but my dad in particular had the house filled with these Dixieland jazz stars.
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I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
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Nobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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I’m comfortable being old… being black… being Jewish.
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Change is such hard work.
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A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
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I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
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You have to always remember they’re not your own kids. Play with them, love them, spoil them to death – then hand them back.
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I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
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I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.
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The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
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Dad had a music store, and he’d often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.
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You give up your dream, you give up.
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
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From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
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It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
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There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
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Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
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I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.
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As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
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