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I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

Bob Saget

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
BOB SAGET

Behind Every Great Man Men Prison
I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Morning Thinking
Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.
BOB SAGET

Kindness Necessity Virtue
My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
BOB SAGET

Clothes Dad Mom
Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
BOB SAGET

Fire Light People
I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
BOB SAGET

Become Chameleon Whenever
Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
BOB SAGET

Day Good Reading Sunday
Concerned we’re in a time where politicians can’t even fake sincerity. Aren’t they supposed to be good at that?
BOB SAGET

Fake Politics Sincerity
Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
BOB SAGET

Banking Government Thinking
Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
BOB SAGET

Men Saw Son Yelling
Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.
BOB SAGET

Alcoholics Horrible Used
My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
BOB SAGET

Diapers Saint Wife
My haircutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.
BOB SAGET

Anesthesia Given Havens
If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
BOB SAGET

Hanging Negative People Two
When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.
BOB SAGET

Away Famous Going
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
BOB SAGET

Dressing Missing Salad Sauce

I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

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I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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