“I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I’ll give you a hint… it has to do with creating and sharing.”

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. “I believe God created me in one day.” Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.

At least he f-kin’ jams! If it’s a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the f-kin’ Block … I’m gonna be surfin’ on the lake of fire, rockin’ out.

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” How do you know that? “Uh, well… we looked at the receipts.”

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you’ll find in this world.

If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.

Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don’t want any gay people hanging around me while I’m killing kids. I just don’t want to see it.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.

So, it’s good to be here, wherever I am.

Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’

You are the imagination of yourself.

You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

How come people always flip and think they’re Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. ‘Ah’m BUDDHA!’ ‘You’re Bubba!’ ‘Ah’m Buddha now..All I gotta do is change 3 letters on ma belt.

I don’t act in the way other actresses act, in terms of building or creating a character. I don’t transform myself into the role, I invest myself in the role.

The problem then with Jesus is that he cannot be removed from his time and transplanted into our own without simply creating him anew

I don’t feel complete. It doesn’t feel like the electricity is making its connections

The majority of fighters now are Al-Qaeda. If you want to support them, you are supporting Al-Qaeda, you are creating havoc in the region, and if this region is not stable, the whole world cannot be stable.

Creating a role is an interesting thing – each show or each situation is different.

Climate change is…a gross injustice-poor people in developing countries bear over 90% of the burden-through death, disease, destitution and financial loss-yet are least responsible for creating the problem.

The creator does not create only for the pleasure of creating but . . . he also desires to subdue other minds.

You have certain writing tools but generally creating something from nothing makes one quite mad and Cynthia and I are quite mad you know.