I was a weekend drinker…I’d start on Saturday, end on Friday…thought I was controlling it…but I don’t drink any more.
BILL HICKSSixteen years I’ve pounded my head against the mentality of America, which…I’d say it’s about an 8th grade emotional level.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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The world’s like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it’s real, that’s how powerful our minds are
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
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Don’t worry; don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
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Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs…shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a ‘well-regulated militia’?
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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What does an atheist scream when they come?
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Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?
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I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York… Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
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Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That’s the story of Jesus.
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
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I’ve had seven balls of light come off a UFO…explain to me telepathically we are all one and there’s no such thing as death.
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I’ve had good times on drugs…bad times on drugs…But I’ve had good and bad relationships…and I’m not giving up pussy.
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When you’re…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, ‘Wow. Maybe our system doesn’t work?’
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We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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A Christian will say… “I believe God created me in one day” Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
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It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.
BILL HICKS -
I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.
BILL HICKS