“Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you’ve chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You’re dead too.”

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

Just work. Don’t wait. Everybody’s waiting until they have the perfect idea to start working. Even if you have an inkling of what you want to do, start moving towards it. And it’s going to flesh itself out through the process of moving towards the goal.

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.

Good policy always trumps bad public relations and the best PR can’t trump bad policy.

I hope that my stories serve as explorations and help show readers how and why real-life women don’t always make the “correct” decisions in the face of economic and sexual troubles.

We’ll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah… it’s just not enough is it?

The attitude of unhappiness is not only painful, it is mean and ugly.

We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad…that’s a little bit overdoing it.

If you meet somebody who says he or she has never dreamed of flying, I don’t believe you. I mean, they’re lying.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: “I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did.”

I’m not the Carter who’ll never tell a lie.

Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?

All your beliefs, they’re just that. They’re nothing. They’re how you were taught and raised. That doesn’t make ’em real.

God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.

Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs…shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a ‘well-regulated militia’?

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching.

It helps that, if I don’t want to play, I don’t really have to! I’m not the best drummer in the world, but it’s something I love and enjoy, and that sounds like a good trade.

Good books put a finger on emotions that are deeply our own – but that we could never have described on our own.

I’ve always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it!

I’ve always enjoyed animation and voiceover work. That’s something that I’ve been proactive about.

I enjoy all kinds of music. But it is kind of strange when I do parodies, instead of setting up drums and guitar amps.

I like, for instance, ‘Serpico.’ I enjoyed playing Serpico because Frank Serpico was there. He existed. He was a real life person and I could – I could embody him. I could, you know.

If there are dominant teams, people enjoy discussing whether that’s good or bad for the game.

I don’t think any decent human being enjoys recruiting.