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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

Bill Bailey

I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoyed Holiday Morning Son
Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Long Nostalgia
Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
BILL BAILEY

Belief Funny Happened Humor
Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
BILL BAILEY

Fighting Funny Humor Message Pineapple Stupid
The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEY

Biscuits Fire Funny Humor Spontaneous
People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Optimist People
If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEY

Easier Enough Happiness Thinking Undeniable
It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Life Outlook
I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
BILL BAILEY

Corresponding Funny Humor Long Thinking
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
BILL BAILEY

Anthropomorphic Aspects Funny Horse Humor
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEY

Funny God Morning Sorry
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Rocks Whine
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY

Clubs Fashion Marijuana
Contentment is knowing you’re right
BILL BAILEY

Contentment Knowing Right
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY

Country Foxes Funny Knocking Running Scrambling
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
BILL BAILEY

Alive Die Funny Humor

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Bailey Quotes