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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!

Bill Bailey

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
BILL BAILEY

Laughing Lavender Orange
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY

Clubs Fashion Marijuana
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY

Door Funny Humor Jobs More
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Outcome Three
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
BILL BAILEY

Dad Face Funny Humor Wrong
You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
BILL BAILEY

Confused Funny Philosophical
Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEY

Males Pubs Three
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY

Country Foxes Funny Knocking Running Scrambling
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEY

Funny God Humor Thank
I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
BILL BAILEY

Ducks Funny Humor Strict
There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
BILL BAILEY

Couple Funny Hold Humor Position
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Magazine True
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
BILL BAILEY

College Jobs Thinking Time Whole
Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
BILL BAILEY

Finished Funny Humor Unique
If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEY

Easier Enough Happiness Thinking Undeniable

So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!

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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!

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