Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I’d never used it. I’m 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s.
BEN ELTONSympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
More Ben Elton Quotes
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I don’t know what people who I’ve never met think about me. Some have written horrible things, some have written nice things – but I’m proud of the fact I’ve remained close to everyone I’ve ever worked with.
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People who get through life dependent on other people’s possessions are always the first to lecture you on how little possessions count.
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This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.
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Comedy will always be central to what I do, it’s just an instinct for me, but I am a writer and always have been.
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Leaders should never, ever try to look cool – that’s for dictators
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Artists don’t create society, they reflect it
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I did not vote Labour because they’ve heard of Oasis and nobody is going to vote Tory because William Hague has got a baseball cap.
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The Germans are a cruel race. Their operas last for six hours and they have no word for fluffy.
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You didn’t wake up, your dreams just changed gear.
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For the past seventeen years I have been experimenting with lager. I am a lager user and one drug leads to another. If you do lager, as night follows day, you’ll end up doing Kentucky Fried Chicken.
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You think I look like a teletubby?
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I exercise hard and the reason I do is so that I can earn the things I like to consume.
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The worst thing about being a great power is when you’re not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.
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I’m easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring.
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My advice to anyone adapting a novel is that once they’ve read it and learnt to understand it, then they must throw it away and never look at it again!
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You’re mugging old ladies every bit as much if you pinch their pension fund
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I think trying to be cool is the worst possible ambition – and I have never suffered from it.
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Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar. You have to hold it, you have to read it.
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If I did things for the money, I’d have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and ‘Police Academy 6,’ which I was asked to write.
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Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.
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I don’t consider myself Jewish. I am half-Jewish by race but not through my mother.
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And roast beef and Yorkshire pudding is my personal signature dish.
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The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value.
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And of course to hunt down sedition. Only paper is safe. Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar, you have to hold it, you have to read it.
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Beyond love, beyond unrequited love, perhaps even beyond any other passion known to humanity, deep, deep in the depths of the turgid, clinging, swamplike pit of despair that lies dormant within every soul, lurks JEALOUSY.
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No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.
BEN ELTON