If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.
TINA FEYIf you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly.
More Tina Fey Quotes
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In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
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You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
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The arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.
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If you ever start to feel good about yourself… …. they have this thing called the internet.
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In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
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Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
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Gravity”: “It’s the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die then spend one more minute with a woman his own age.
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Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
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Thomas Jefferson-another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me. This was my problem in a nutshell. To get some play in Charlottesville, you had to be either a Martha Jefferson or a Sally Hemings.
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If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly.
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Whatever the problem – be part of the solution
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When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.
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You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.
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Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
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I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.
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I’m not that good looking… nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.
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I do like to start on time; I like to set the bar high for people.
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An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show here ankles to to get that job?
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You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.
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It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’
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It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.
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This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in ten thousand pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over fourteen thousand dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him.
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(Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)
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There are no mistakes only opportunities.
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Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.
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Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.
TINA FEY