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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

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Down Else Get Stoop While Wonder

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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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One Spent Sunday Town Year
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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Ask Avoid Important Longevity Most Say Single Tension
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Aur Change Clean Dirty Hard Remember These Used
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Bad Busy Country Cut Drive Hair Know People Run Taxicab
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Air Clean Dirty Remember Sex
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
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Because Future Go Life Look Rest Spend
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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Bed Make Money Stay
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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Age Anywhere Please Simple
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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Came Down Everything Goes Time Up When
I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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Age Cigar Holder Just Now Put Thrill
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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Age Fidteenm Cigar Hold Smoke Something
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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Begining Close End Good Have Possible Secret Together
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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Age Ninty Pool Sex Shoot Tope
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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All Bad Country Cut Hair Know People Run Taxicab Too
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
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Bad Cigar Depend Good Handle Happiness Much Woman

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