“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”

It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.

I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

At my age flowers scare me.

The main trend with the theme episodes is that anywhere there is a misconception about the way the physical world works, we’re finding fertile material.

Anywhere else is a horribly dangerous time for women and minorities.

For me, why would a Jew want to go anywhere in history ever? I’m only going to have to run.

There is a community in hip-hop. It doesn’t seem like that anywhere else, except maybe in punk rock. But punk rock is tricky, because it has become such a pop thing. But in rap, there is still a feeling of community. Who are our peers? Rappers.

I would be comfortable to bat anywhere.

Laws are to be enforced justly but firmly, with an iron hand. This is the case anywhere, even in a family.

Travel in all the four quarters of the earth, you will find nothing (no true religion) anywhere. Whatever there is, is only here (i .e . in one ‘s own heart.)

I think L.A. is L.A. I can go anywhere in the world and I’ll just say I’m from L.A. But when I’m there I gotta say I’m from Carson.