“My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.”

Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.

I always wanted to be a popular comedian.

I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.

If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.

I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.

There have been times in my life that I’ve had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.

I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’

I consider it an honor and a privilege to give back however I can for the many sacrifices of these incredibly brave men and women.

All I know how to do is take what’s on my mind and spit it out funny. I don’t know what else I could do besides comedy.

Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.

Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.

My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.

My goal is just to become a better comedian.

I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.

There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.

No one’s promised anything. You could have the biggest record on radio and sell no records.

The biggest thing, and what I told some of the partners in the summit, was me thanking them for their constant support with everything that I’ve been through the last couple years on and off the court.

The biggest thing is to let your voice be heard, let your story be heard.

The biggest thing about ‘Lady Macbeth’ is the fact that people are so surprised that this woman is so amazing, and really, it shouldn’t be so amazing that this incredible character is on our screens.

The single biggest difference between financial success and financial failure is how well you manage your money. It’s simple: to master money, you must manage money.

The hand that dips into the bottom of the pot will eat the biggest snail.

The biggest opportunities from Brexit will come from more trade with the rest of the world.

The biggest thing is to make sure that when something comes out about you that is false that you prove it’s not true.