You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
RON WHITEI’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
More Ron White Quotes
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable – onstage, talking, making ’em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
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I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that’s all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.
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Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
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I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
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I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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Everybody I know is a joke writer.
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But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It’s like anything else. It’s a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.
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TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
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When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.
RON WHITE