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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.

Ron White

I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
RON WHITE

Doctor Drywall Get Hanger Lawyer Mall Over Plumber World
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
RON WHITE

Across Bridge Build Comic Kinda One People Through Two Walk
Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
RON WHITE

Bit Build Could Country Good Idea People President Single Tunnel
I didn’t get where I am today by worryin’ about how I’d feel tomorrow.
RON WHITE

Feel Get Today Tomorrow Worry
I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
RON WHITE

Act Anything Bothe R Desperate Joke Material Offend Work Write
I’m not willing to drag my fans down a road I don’t believe in. That’s just my one little principle. I’ve only got one, and that’s it.
RON WHITE

Belief Drag Fan Little On Only Principle Road Will
TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
RON WHITE

Day Hard Hate Hour Job People Television Tell Work
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
RON WHITE

Believe Lemon Life Party Somebody Try
I have a very fun life. I don’t recommend it for anybody else, but it sure has been fun for me.
RON WHITE

Else Fun Life Recommend Sure Very
There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
RON WHITE

Always Been Century Comic More Other Play Quater Time
If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.
RON WHITE

Any Back Become Famous Go Money Pay Show
I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
RON WHITE

Country Start Drop Education Reason Surplus Think
Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
RON WHITE

Call Country Day Kinds Know Like Mean Other Reprobate Somebody Way
I was always a funny guy. I don’t think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn’t a funny guy when they were young.
RON WHITE

Always Anybody Funny Guy Make Stand Young
If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.
RON WHITE

Blue Collar Come Comedy Little Rougher See Tour Watch
I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
RON WHITE

Always Comedian Popular Want

I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.

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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.

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