Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.
RON WHITEIf I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.
More Ron White Quotes
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I’m set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it’s easy.
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My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
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If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.
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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.
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I’d rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
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Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.
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I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
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Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it’s 18 hours of doing not a thing.
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The bulk of my fans are my age, and I’m aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it’s addicting, really.
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People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.
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That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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I was always a funny guy. I don’t think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn’t a funny guy when they were young.
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I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
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I’ve got a great cigar collection – it’s actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn’t going to smoke every last one of ’em.
RON WHITE