“Any time someone achieves success before they’ve earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.”

I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He’s probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can’t say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.

Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.

I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.

You can tell on-stage when a joke’s starting to lose its pop. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear it anymore; it means I don’t want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they’ve never heard.

People are saying that I’m an alcoholic, and that’s not true, because I only drink when I work, and I’m a workaholic.

There’s no idea or concept in comedy you could do that hasn’t been attacked from some angle. But if you start leaving punchlines out so you’ll look cool, I don’t get that. But I don’t watch standup anyway, so I don’t know what they’re doing.

My life has been wild enough to derive all of the stories you need out of it. I’ve been through many, many years of behavioral problems, so I don’t really look outside for stories.

A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.

I was a comedy fan when I was a little kid.

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.

If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.

The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.

There’s no backlog of people we can fire for no reason and act as if they don’t exist.

I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.

Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.

I go through about 140 cities a year.

We have got to keep the momentum going in order to achieve all of our objectives.

We unfortunately live in a corporate world where group decision making is made to avoid failure rather than to achieve success.

The reason we get overwhelmed is that we’re attached to a certain result or taht we want to achieve a certain result or that we to achieve a certain goal.

What I mean by that is that the point of life, as I see it, is not to write books or scale mountains or sail oceans, but to achieve happiness, and preferably an unselfish happiness.

Some girls are apparently born with dates; some through much personal activity, achieve them; but others seem by necessity to have dates thrust upon them.

I can’t stand being stagnant. Every day is a new opportunity to achieve something, even on a small scale.

Art for art’s sake, with no purpose, for any purpose perverts art. But art achieves a purpose which is not its own. (1804)

And to make sure their work environments are flexible in a way that allows men and women who choose to work to be able to achieve all of their potential.