I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
RON WHITEEverybody I know is a joke writer.
More Ron White Quotes
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My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.
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It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
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I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
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Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it’s 18 hours of doing not a thing.
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I don’t do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil’s show. He’s a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn’t give me any advice. He doesn’t give solicited advice.
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You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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Comedy is all about the pause.
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I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
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I don’t watch Comedy Central. I don’t enjoy it.
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.
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I’m definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won’t. Then three years later I will finally try it and it’ll kill them. I got to give them more credit.
RON WHITE






