You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
FRAN LEBOWITZRadio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZ






