“When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?”

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?

Death is nature’s way of killing you.

In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.

You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’

Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.

It’s not the depth of your intellect that will comfort you or transform your world. Only the richness of your heart and your generosity of spirit can do that

The love we give away is the only love we keep.

It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.

The measure of a man is not how many servants he has but how many men he serves .

There are only four kinds of people in the world – those who have been caregivers, those who are caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.

Every time I take a step in the direction of generosity, I know I am moving from fear to love.

It is a paradox, you see the act of giving is what fills you.

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.