“You can’t be a good writer without being a good thinker.”

I’ve learned, That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.

I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.

I’ve learned, That money doesn’t buy class.

A cat’s idea of a ‘good time’ is to kill something.

I’ve learned, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

Once you pass forty, a dime isn’t worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.

All of us talk faster than we listen.

My most serious character flaw is that I don’t deny myself much.

I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Every single day all the shitty shit that’s ever happened to you gets farther away and all the good shit that’s gonna happen to you gets closer.

Every single day all the shitty shit that’s ever happened to you gets farther away and all the good shit that’s gonna happen to you gets closer.

Power and machinery, money and goods, are useful only as they set us free to live.

Power and machinery, money and goods, are useful only as they set us free to live.

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

Henceforth I ask not good fortune. I myself am good fortune.

Life’s pretty good, and why wouldnt it be? I’m a pirate, after all.