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Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.

Emo Philips

I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in.
EMO PHILIPS

Hope Learning Love Myself Panic Stalk
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
EMO PHILIPS

Beat Boxing Computer Defeat Myself
My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid…and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.
EMO PHILIPS

Forever Myself Mystery Reminder
Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
EMO PHILIPS

Magazine Myself News Nude Stand
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
EMO PHILIPS

Family Finding Move Myself
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
EMO PHILIPS

Freedom Medicine Money Myself Stand
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
EMO PHILIPS

Age Courage Myself School Time
Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
EMO PHILIPS

Hate Meet Myself People
When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
EMO PHILIPS

Competition Decision Magic Theory
You know what I hate? Indian givers… no, I take that back.
EMO PHILIPS

Generosity Hate Myself Return
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
EMO PHILIPS

Future Government Myself Weapon
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
EMO PHILIPS

Myself Organ Thinking Wonderful
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPS

Leather Morning Worth
Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
EMO PHILIPS

Drop Food Funny Myself Relationship Spoon
I tried body surfing once, but how often do you find a corpse?
EMO PHILIPS

Body Corpse Myself Often
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.
EMO PHILIPS

Confession Myself Scare

Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.

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Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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