I have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLENI have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLENDogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLENI’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
TIM ALLENI know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLENNothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
TIM ALLENBeing wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLENA car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
TIM ALLENIf you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
TIM ALLENAs the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLENIn marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
TIM ALLENBe wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLENI am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLENI don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLENWhen I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLENWhile awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLENNever comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
TIM ALLEN