My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
TIM ALLENI grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
More Tim Allen Quotes
-
-
I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
TIM ALLEN -
I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
TIM ALLEN -
I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
TIM ALLEN -
I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLEN -
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
TIM ALLEN -
If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
TIM ALLEN -
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
TIM ALLEN -
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
TIM ALLEN -
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN -
I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN -
I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
TIM ALLEN -
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
TIM ALLEN -
Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
TIM ALLEN -
Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLEN -
A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
TIM ALLEN -
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
TIM ALLEN -
In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
TIM ALLEN -
I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLEN -
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLEN -
Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLEN -
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN -
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLEN -
I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
TIM ALLEN -
But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLEN -
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
TIM ALLEN -
There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLEN