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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

Bill Maher

The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
BILL MAHER

Difference Religion Talk Voice
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book History Reading Thinking Tough Yourself
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER

Conservative Illegal Myself Serious Sexuality Work
There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHER

God Live Money Ourselves Trust
To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
BILL MAHER

Alive Animal Experiment Father Live Myself People Trade
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People
You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
BILL MAHER

Husband Name People Time Wrong
That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
BILL MAHER

Connection Greatness Internet Network
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
BILL MAHER

Mistake Necessary Past Person Wisdom
You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER

Himself Missing Money Negotiation Yourself
Religion is insanity by consensus.
BILL MAHER

Consensus Religion Sanity
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
BILL MAHER

Children Date Different Myself Ritual
I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
BILL MAHER

Ancient Atheist Man Myth Religion Story Thinking
I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
BILL MAHER

Feeling Myself Shoes Stand Wear
It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
BILL MAHER

Explanation Hard Idiot Yourself
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHER

Game Injustice Rival Sport Unfair Yourself

In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

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