There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHERThe cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
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I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER