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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.

Bill Maher

Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People
You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER

Himself Missing Money Negotiation Yourself
During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book Coffee Company Depression Fight History People Reading Time Tough
I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHER

Police Religious Reminder Understand
In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
BILL MAHER

Bad Connection Ideas Justify Kind Religious Tolerance Yourself
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER

Conservative Illegal Myself Serious Sexuality Work
You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
BILL MAHER

Difference People Prayer Religious Warm Yourself
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHER

Hot Man Reading Stop Thinking Woman World
When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
BILL MAHER

Generosity Help Liberal Myself
People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
BILL MAHER

Activist People Sexuality Stop
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
BILL MAHER

Mistake Necessary Past Person Wisdom
The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
BILL MAHER

Goal Power Slogan
In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
BILL MAHER

Government Hospital Party Politics Profit Socialism
There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHER

God Live Money Ourselves Trust
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
BILL MAHER

Husband Name People Time Wrong

I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.

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Popular Authors

I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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