The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
BILL MAHERI don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
BILL MAHER