If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHERI think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
BILL MAHER