When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
EMO PHILIPSWhen deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn’t involve a magic spell.
EMO PHILIPSI love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
EMO PHILIPSWhen I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
EMO PHILIPSYou know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
EMO PHILIPSI used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
EMO PHILIPSI think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
EMO PHILIPSI was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
EMO PHILIPSAll the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
EMO PHILIPSWhen I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
EMO PHILIPSI think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
EMO PHILIPSMy girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
EMO PHILIPSWhen I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
EMO PHILIPSLord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
EMO PHILIPSPeople come up to me… concerned… that I’ll reproduce.
EMO PHILIPSI told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
EMO PHILIPSI was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic… in morse code.
EMO PHILIPS