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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.

Tim Allen

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
TIM ALLEN

Funny Golf Lost Missing Play Sports Yourself
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLEN

Children Father Fear Irrational Lose Myself
I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
TIM ALLEN

Artist Creativity Design Graphics
As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLEN

Depend History Point View
Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
TIM ALLEN

Children Learning Myself Respect
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Beginning Humanity Time Yourself
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy Decision Himself Judgement Sentence Serious Stand
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN

Dangerous Floor Ground Himself Stick
Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
TIM ALLEN

Action Man Willing Woman Work
The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLEN

Advantage Beautiful Myself Play Reality Show Theatre
For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
TIM ALLEN

God Ideas Myself Religion Time
To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
TIM ALLEN

Attention Himself Man Move Talk Television Yourself
I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
TIM ALLEN

Children Drive License Protection Requirement
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN

Breathe Coward Ego Hard Prison Reality Strength Yourself
There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLEN

Beautiful Bride Feeling Greatness Herself
In my experience, it’s all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
TIM ALLEN

Calm Challenge Experience Father Kind Time

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.

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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.

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