Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
EMO PHILIPSI’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
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My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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Now there’s a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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I’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
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I’d be in the backyard minding my own business. The other kids would call me names, like meatball head or neo-Calvinist. I’d run after them, but lucky for them the chain would snap my neck back.
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All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they’re just as scared of me.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
EMO PHILIPS






