When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
TIM ALLENWomen now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
TIM ALLEN