I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
TIM ALLENWomen are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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I have a thing for tools.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN






