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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.

Tim Allen

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
TIM ALLEN

Death Dog Food Leaving
I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
TIM ALLEN

Charity Enjoyment Phenomenal Project Result
I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
TIM ALLEN

Car Myself Thinking Woman
Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
TIM ALLEN

Hands Listening Story
I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
TIM ALLEN

Consider Funny Phone Technology
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
TIM ALLEN

Alone Crow Encouragement Man Substitute Support Thinking
Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
TIM ALLEN

Instruction Man Manufacturer Reality Togetherness
Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
TIM ALLEN

Born Children Deal Myself Thinking Time
The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
TIM ALLEN

Hate Level Lover Place Religious World
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
TIM ALLEN

Creation Point Time Yourself
Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLEN

Goodness Lying Man Myself Positive
When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN

Breathe Coward Ego Hard Prison Reality Strength Yourself
Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
TIM ALLEN

Animal Beginning Humanity Time Yourself
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN

Comedy One Liner Ultimate
You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
TIM ALLEN

People Stress Tension Yourself
To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
TIM ALLEN

Attention Himself Man Move Talk Television Yourself

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.

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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.

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Popular Authors

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