Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCEChristian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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