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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

Ambrose Bierce

RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Delusion Experience Observation Reflection Save
The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Country Development Engagement Existence People Strife
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Country Fools Freedom Instrument Power
The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Affection Creature Dog World
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Blacksmith Cloth Kind Man
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Animal Digest Eat Goodness Man Science
You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Help Religion Stupidity
PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Contrast Fall Sense
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Confession Law Prayer Universe Worth
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Astrology Custom Easy Fate God Responsibility
REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Avoid Mindset Ourselves Reflection Relationship
IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Fact Imagination Lying Poet
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Coward Emergency Himself Legs Thinking
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Instrument Worst
Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE

God Man One Liner Reason Sleep
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Brain Science Thinking

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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