Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
AMBROSE BIERCEEducation, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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