Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
AMBROSE BIERCEMoney. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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