Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
AMBROSE BIERCEYou don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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