“You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.”

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.

IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.

PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

It is that we are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never no helplessly unhappy as when we have lost our loved object of its love.

It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us.

In the depths of my heart I can’t help being convinced that my dear fellow-men, with a few exceptions, are worthless.

There is nothing wrong with letting people who love you help you.

Even a soul submerged in sleep is hard at work and helps make something of the world.

If the President asked you to help, I don’t think anybody could refuse, unless one felt that one couldn’t be effective.

My heart is just to express what has helped me with love.

There is no counselor, teacher or parent who can ever help you find that why. That shit will always be on you!