If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
LILY TOMLINThe phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
-
-
Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
LILY TOMLIN -
I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
LILY TOMLIN -
The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year-everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
LILY TOMLIN -
You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.
LILY TOMLIN -
Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
LILY TOMLIN -
I try to be cynical, but it’s so hard to keep up.
LILY TOMLIN -
There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
LILY TOMLIN -
Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
LILY TOMLIN -
I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
LILY TOMLIN -
Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
LILY TOMLIN -
But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.
LILY TOMLIN -
Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
LILY TOMLIN -
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
LILY TOMLIN -
We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
LILY TOMLIN -
Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.
LILY TOMLIN