“I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.”

If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.

Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It’s just a matter of timing. It’s like you’ve marked your territory.

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what’s current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

We are people with lives, not consumers with lifestyles.

Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.

Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it’s imposssible to keep up.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

After all, in private, we’re all misfits.

I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn’t want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.

What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.

Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.

I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

Life’s not about sitting at home in front of the TV waiting for your life to begin. Get out there and take some chances.

Not much shocked me. You know, I worked in a home for Alzheimer’s patients and my dad used to be really into murders and stuff, so I saw dead bodies. It desensitised me to a lot of things.

You pack your whole life away as many times as I have, and it’s no more than routine. But in you I’ve found a home, more so than anywhere I’ve been.

The actual sight of a first-class house that a Negro has built is ten times more potent than pages of discussion about a house that he ought to build, or perhaps could build.

I guess if I had fifty million dollars I could spend more time at home.

My mother cleaned homes and drove school buses, and when my family was on the brink of foreclosure… I started bartending and waitressing.

I’m from a state that houses too many cornfields and a town that no one takes seriously- in a home where glass cuts hurt less than deeply wounded words.

I never studied art, but taught myself to draw by imitating the New Yorker cartoonists of that day, instead of doing my homework.