Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
STEVE MARTINA day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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No art comes from the conscious mind.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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