Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTINIt’s pain that changes our lives.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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Be so good they can’t ignore you.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
STEVE MARTIN