I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT






