If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHTI had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT






