One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
ERMA BOMBECKGuilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
ERMA BOMBECK