When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECKGuilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
ERMA BOMBECK







