“Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.”

If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

Now, look, baby, ‘Union’ is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

It’s not the tragedies that kill us; it’s the messes.

Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.

You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

The writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money.

Friends come and go but I wouldn’t have thought you’d be one of them.

Genius is patience.

I wanted to show the fans that we were inside the mind of a lyrical maniacal genius

Books are like mirrors: if a fool looks in, you cannot expect a genius to look out.

A genius is a talented person who does his homework.

With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.

To be great is to be misunderstood.

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.